Take a deep breath. Blow it out. Good. Now take another.
That’s what I’ve been doing since returning from trick or treating: reminding myself to live in the moment and breathe. It’s remarkably hard to make myself do this – I tend to get caught up in the details when I ought to be focusing on the big picture.
Last night, instead of enjoying what is likely to be my last trick or treating adventure with Large (he’ll be choosing friends over family all too soon), I was obsessed with Small.
“Did you say, ‘Thank you’?”
“Slow down. Wait for the rest of our group!”
“Freeze means don’t move a muscle. It does not mean walk slower!”
“Stay on the sidewalk!”
“You don’t always have to be first.”
“Wait for your cousins!”
“Have we lost your sister?”
“I didn’t hear a ‘Thank you.'”
I was already teetering on the brink of sanity by the time Large tattled on Small: “Mom, Henry got a granola bar at that house and he said, ‘What the heck is this?’ instead of, you know, ‘Thanks.'”
When the kindling is dry, it doesn’t take much.
I pulled Small aside and scolded him. He was sullen, as most people are in the face of direct criticism and a strongly worded reprimand. I kept him back from two houses and under the pressure of my scowl, he promised to do better.
He’s excited, I told myself as he ran off. Don’t ruin his Halloween.
He bounced back, remembering to thank a whopping 60% of the candy distributors at the rest of the houses we hit and refraining from running over his younger cousins. But I didn’t. My grump cloaked me as thoroughly as Medium’s vampire cape. I couldn’t wait to get home.
My heart hurts at my own idiocy. Why do I let the little things bother me so much? Why can’t I enjoy the moment more?
I’ve got a year to redeem myself. You’ll remind me, won’t you?
CVS mask plus contact paper and packing tape
Our little goth girl.
Small goes for realism.
OINKtales 
14 comments
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November 1, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Alexis
Honey, you are far too hard on yourself. I parent from a place of obliviousness. Thus the mistakes each hour of the day get forgotten almost the second I make them.
BTW – it’s OK to simply acknowledge that Halloween isn’t your bag. It’s totally my bag because I was that kid who wore costumes without fail every year from birth until I gave birth to my own (and I plan to get back to costumes within a year or two). But dressing up and hassling strangers for free food doesn’t work for everybody and there is no shame is simply admitting that you’re more of a Thanksgiving girl.
November 2, 2011 at 8:05 am
Mary the OINKteller
Who, me? Hard on herself? 😉 I think I like the concept of the holidays better than their actual execution. My favorite is Christmas in spite of all the stress and commercialization. In fact, it’s the only time of year that you might catch me in a church. But it’s only for the carols. Boxing day is arguably my best holiday – no pressure, just the gathering of framily for an over-the-top meal.
November 1, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Iris
Whoa…freaky. I had a VERY similar night, girl. I find it so hard to enjoy the act of trci-or-treating when my gut tells me that keeping the kids alive is the first priority. Holy crap – the cars! Don’t pet that strange dog! I don’t care what his mother says, YOUR mother said no candy until we get home and I check it for razor blades. It’s like triage…keep ’em alive, THEN polite, THEN happy. Ugh. Can’t we just skip this shit and become the fun Grandmas already?
November 2, 2011 at 8:08 am
Mary the OINKteller
Bite your tongue! My kids aren’t dating until they’re 25. Maybe 30. And shit, we were supposed to check those bags for razor blades? I thought we were looking for hypodermic needle puncture marks. Good thing they haven’t eaten it all yet. 😉
November 1, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Kristen
Agree with A….you were probably better than you think you were. And kudos to you for taking a pictures! I don’t love Halloween, but managed to eek out the joy this year. It helps when you consume a glass of wine. Then you can just yell from the end of the drive way…He says THANK YOU! Letting go doesn’t mean giving up all your parental responsibilities, and exercising those responsibilities doesn’t mean your a bad parent, it is tiring though.
I will remind you next year….. And now the big question, what to do with the three bags of candy?
November 2, 2011 at 8:10 am
Mary the OINKteller
Eek every scrap of joy out there! I kept the wine corked until I got back. Then I poured myself a glass and settled down with my friends almond joy, snickers and milky way.
November 2, 2011 at 4:43 am
She's a Maineiac
I hear you! I was also yelling out “say thank you!” and “slow down” all night. My four year old also decided to have a royal fit and refused to go up to houses because there were “scary dogs” so I had to carry her part of the way. And we had to walk over ice and snow! So yeah, I was a bit on the grumpy side of things I admit. My son had a blast though! But he’s nine so I know he’s probably not going next year…sigh.
November 2, 2011 at 8:14 am
Mary the OINKteller
Snow and ice! It was colder in Maine than VT. This was actually the first year in years that the children didn’t turn into kidsicles. You might have another year (maybe two?) with your son if you’re lucky. I think years 7, 8, and 9 were the best for trick or treating. Notice I wasn’t complaining about Medium. She was all business. Trick or treat, thank you for the candy, next house. Last year, she was cold so we came home early. She got hot chocolate. I got wine.
November 3, 2011 at 8:52 am
Non-Stop Mom
I despise Halloween with every fiber of my being. I had the uber-joy of dealing with 5 kids for trick-or-treat this year, but we just did the Safe Walk that our town puts on. My 2 oldest opted to stay at the church “booth” and hand out candy, leaving me with 3 boys (4, 5, and 7) to try not to lose in a crowd of 1000+. Luckily our weather held out and it wasn’t bad. That was on Saturday afternoon/evening, and Monday night I sat here in my house with my youngest (the others were all gone with fathers) and we watched movies and chilled. If I had to do the door-to-door crap, there would have had to have been some booze involved.
Great post! Stopping by for #CommentDay.
🙂
Amy
November 3, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Mary the OINKteller
Glad you found me, Amy! Next year, booze may have a starring role. Perhaps I will dress up as a moonshiner and the kidlets will be jugs o juice. 😉
November 3, 2011 at 9:30 am
Evin Cooper
I do the same thing. I have to constantly remind myself to “just freakin’ chill.” I need a tattoo that says “everybody has more fun when mommy isn’t such a control freak!” Is there a pill for that or something?
November 3, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Mary the OINKteller
Let me know if you find one. Sometimes I am so Type A it hurts. Thanks for stopping by!
November 5, 2011 at 6:44 pm
Laura@Catharsisl
Well, hello fellow tribemate! Thought I’d finally stop by and check out your stuff. I am also one of those who worries about the small stuff. It’s exhausting, as I’m sure you know. We have to remind ourselves to breathe. I’m still reminding.
November 20, 2011 at 8:15 am
Main Street Musings Blog
This was the first year all of my kids Trick or Treated without me. I had the same concerns as you, but I couldn’t do anything about it! (so instead, I corrected other people’s kids when they came to the door 😉 )