I’m a good sleeper and I value my bed time. But when I’m stressed or anxious, sleep’s the first thing to go. For a while, I was spontaneously waking every night at 3:13 a.m. After checking the clock, I’d lie there, listening to the dark – too lazy to read. Too lazy to do last night’s dishes. Too lazy to surf the internet. Too lazy to move.
I thought about the kids and the OINKdaddy. I mentally listed things I needed to do around the house and to the house, starting with cleaning the bathrooms and ending with getting the exterior re-sided. I made resolutions and remembered websites I’ve been meaning to visit. I composed pithy posts (which were forgotten by morning) and considered the deeper meaning of life. But mostly, I laid there and wished that I was sleeping.
Was there a root cause to my insomnia? Was I worried about the health and welfare of those nearest and dearest to me? Was I nervous about the half-marathon I was in training for? Was I freaked about testing for my black belt in Taekwondo? It could have been any of those things, but it wasn’t. It was this: I knew I needed to go back to work.
Change is good, or so they say. It’s the transition that sometimes rubs one raw. We’ll see. More on this later. For now, a promise, to you and to myself: I will keep writing.
I hope you’ll keep reading.
P.S. I’ve decided to keep my blog name. “DINKtales” just doesn’t resonate with me. Happy new year!
7 comments
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January 6, 2012 at 11:13 am
Alexis
Once more into the breach my friends, once more!
You know my own inner conflict about working (cash! sanity!) vs. not working (kids! free time!). Frankly either choice is uniquely hard. But this has been a monkey on your back for a long time and I suspect that just DOING it will make you feel more at ease.
Plus now that you’ll be rolling in the dough I know you’ll be inviting me out for all sorts of fancy lunches, spa treatments, and such. Am really looking forward to it!
January 16, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Mary the OINKteller
My sword and battle cry are pretty rusty but thanks to Body Pump, my sword arm’s stronger than it was. 😉 Fancy lunches and spa treatments it is! Right after I buy a new couch.
January 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Tori Nelson
Oh, I hate that you’re going through that restlessness. It is miserable, and I’m wishing you bountiful stashes of Tylenol PM and many, many naps 🙂
January 16, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Mary the OINKteller
Thanks Tori. At some point, I’ll just be too tired to wake in the middle of the night. It’ll be like being in the newborn zombie phase all over again!
January 7, 2012 at 2:01 pm
The Bearded Iris
Dang, you are awesome. I love that you are a runner AND a (soon to be) Taekwondo black belt! Stupid insomnia! I have it too sometimes…always related to stress.
Good luck with all the inner conflict. I know you’ll make the right choices and give it your all.
Keep writing. I’ll keep reading!
January 16, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Mary the OINKteller
Thanks for reading (and commenting), Iris! I don’t know whether I’ve made the right choice but it was my choice and I’m owning it. If my kids were smarter, I’d trust in their getting big scholarships. If they were dumber, I wouldn’t worry about their needing higher education. As it is, I’m going to have to do what thousands of other parents do: pay for part of it and borrow the rest. On the bright side, we ought to be able to afford a family vacation next year!
January 17, 2012 at 4:51 am
Lisa Z
Good luck Mary! Will you be going back to your old job or starting a new adventure elsewhere?
Change is difficult but just keep picturing that family vacation!