There are so many things I ought to be doing now, but instead of tackling any of those MUST-DOs, I am sitting at the computer, writing, which is a decided NICE-TO-DO. Writing eases my mind; it puts order to the chaos. When I am stressed or even just busy, I make lists. I feel a ridiculously deep sense of satisfaction when I cross items off a list. Done. Done. Finis.
I am trying to get Large to embrace list-making as a way to manage his anxieties but so far, it’s not working.
He’s ten and a half years old. He is a smart, funny, socially-aware kid. He loves to read, tell stories (replete with sound-effects!), sing, dance, and do anything technology related. He is also a tougher critic of himself than anyone ever could be, including me. And I’m no picnic.
Every mother wants success and happiness for her child. But what I’ve come to realize is something I’ve known all along: Wanting isn’t enough. We can’t just want for our children to grow up and become confident, well-adjusted, compassionate adults. We have to actively help them get there. It’s what we do, as mothers – as parents – that counts, if not now, then later on.
Being a parent is often mind-numbing. The stalling. The bickering. The whining. The slammed doors and the I-hate-yous. I am far from being a perfect mother (or wife, but that’s another post) and I am embarrassed to admit how frequently I delve into my fiction cocoon or retreat onto the internet rather than engage, comment and interact with my offspring. Even so, I hold fast to the belief that good parenting is a cumulative process. Consider the little things parents do every day, even when our patience is spread as thin as peanut butter on a piece of Weight-Watchers’ toast. The gentle reminders. The sit-and-do-your-homework speeches. The pep-talks. The these-are-the-consequences dictums. The smiles and hugs and cuddles. The I’m sorrys. The I’m proud of yous.
God, I hope I’m right.
Liam, every one of us learned to walk one step at a time. The luckiest of us had someone’s hand to hold onto. Your family loves you! Don’t ever forget it.
OINKtales 
8 comments
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February 1, 2011 at 6:42 pm
Alison
I got a little tear in my eye! Liam gets it from you btw.
You are a fantastic Mom! Don’t ever forget it. xoxo
February 1, 2011 at 8:51 pm
Mary the OINKteller
Aww, thanks Al. Thanks too for pointing out that he gets his anxiousness from me. I’d say it was in the genes but then that would discount Nana’s influence. And clearly, we both get it from her!
February 2, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Tori Nelson
Well written, missy! Love your note to Liam at the end… I forget that lesson, and I appreciate the reminder!
February 2, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Mary the OINKteller
Thanks Tori! Liam reads my blog and sometimes he “listens” better when he sees something in writing. I am so often at a loss as to how to guide him – he is so very much like me!
February 2, 2011 at 3:51 pm
4megsmusing
Thanks for this, I can relate on every level. I too am hoping, and pretty sure that it is the little things that add up and make a difference in the end. Parenting, especially Mothering, is the HARDEST job in the world and I think the fact that you even wrote this means your doing pretty darn good! Carry on:)
February 2, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Mary the OINKteller
I’m glad you can relate, Meg. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not alone! I completely agree that parenting is the hardest job in the world. It is harder than I ever imagined it would be. I sometimes surprise myself by saying or doing the right thing with my kids, but quite often, I say or do the wrong thing and have to make it up to them. I have resolved to keep trying, though, because they are worth ounce of effort I put in and more! How does that saying go? Mothering is its own reward?
February 4, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Chris
So happy I finally got a chance to read your wonderful thoughts. Not having been a parent I loved reading the reality of the hardest job in the world. I somehow have had self imposed expectations that because I work with children 6 hours a day I should be able to always be patient, have the right answer, the perfect solution etc. A favorite mantra of mine that I need to remind my self of “I’m doing the best I can”.
I have had the joy of knowing and working with Liam for almost two years now and he is an amazing kid–he is smart, curious, confident, kind, intuitive, funny, creative and my favorite technical assistant. So kudos to you Mary–all the hard work is paying off!
February 7, 2011 at 9:30 am
Mary the OINKteller
Chris, thank you so much for your kind words! I think every one of us does the best we can do every day. Some days my best is better than others and I am coming to terms with that. Liam is definitely a special kid; I’m glad you think so too!